BLOCKBUSTER: Hat Tricks send Bryant & McGinniss to Columbus for DeBeaussart

by Chet Ubetcha

The Danbury Hat Tricks got a jump-start on their offseason today, pulling the trigger on a blockbuster trade that will send reigning Broadcasters of the Year Casey Bryant and Zak McGinniss to the Columbus River Dragons for broadcaster Zak DeBeaussaert.

River Dragons President/GM Scott Brand reportedly expressed frustration at not winning the award, as his team has secured the honor the previous two seasons. Danbury, meanwhile, will be adding last year's award-recipient in DeBeaussaert while also reducing their average age on staff significantly, subtracting the 24-year-old Bryant and 93-year-old McGinniss.

"Honestly, I couldn't be happier to join Columbus," said Bryant. "To make this kind of jump right to the NHL is a challenge to be sure, but I'm ready for what Ohio has to offer and I can't wait to see what the Blue Jackets have in store!"

When informed that the trade was actually completed with Columbus, Georgia of the FPHL, Bryant expressed confusion, frustration, then stared blankly into the void as he excused himself from the room to "make a call to his agent Scott [Boras]."

"I haven't been this excited since I witnessed the Toronto Arenas best the Vancouver Millionaires in the 1918 Stanley Cup," said McGinniss, calling from a phone gifted to him by childhood friend Alexander Graham Bell.

Color commentator Jack O'Marra, when asked how he felt losing his two broadcast partners in the trade, replied: "Good riddance."

In response to the trade, Danbury Arena management released the following statement:

"April fools, y'all."